我还是爱着你 你还是冷处理
我还是爱着你 我仍无法前进
你是我的奇迹
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
I wished that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget 'bout those stupid little things
怎么样才能让时间倒流 每一分每一秒都珍重
我们的故事不能忘 太多的回忆和希望
不管它有多疯狂 我愿意一生收藏
我们的故事不能忘 太多的情节要发展
不要放弃 因为有一天缘分会继续
I used to wanna be
Living like its only me
But now I wake each day
Thinking 'bout a way to get you off my mind
All I wanna be, all I ever wanna be is somebody to you
后悔没留你惦身边
2014/11/07
2014/10/06
The truth is, everyone thinks they're right.
Everyone thinks what they do is for the good.
Everyone thinks what they THINK is right.
So when people with different perspectives come together, endless conflicts.
I really don't like taking sides, cause no one is 100% right.
You're telling me that they left their work and went to have fun is correct.
You're telling me they end their calls because they don't want to work is correct.
You're telling me they went out the whole day without telling their parents is correct.
You're telling me that they loathe their leader is correct?
Well, I'm sorry, I don't think so.
I don't dislike you. I don't dislike you for despising others either. I just don't agree on how you show your disagreement.
You guys dare to do all those things to show your rebellion. But have any of you tried to actually talk through this? You said he changed, but have you really tried understanding why he changed? Wasn't he your friend?
Some times I really just don't wanna give a damn about you guys. Shit your communication. Kept repeating how important it is but who's the one not obeying that.
Let me tell you something, as long as they're a member in this society, there will be no peace because of their attitude. Their attitude that they think they're right and no one else is.
The word "brain washing" is so unfair. Aren't you brain washing people as well?
People know how to think, okay? We don't need you to tell us how to feel.
You know what I hate about societies? Politics.
Everyone thinks what they do is for the good.
Everyone thinks what they THINK is right.
So when people with different perspectives come together, endless conflicts.
I really don't like taking sides, cause no one is 100% right.
You're telling me that they left their work and went to have fun is correct.
You're telling me they end their calls because they don't want to work is correct.
You're telling me they went out the whole day without telling their parents is correct.
You're telling me that they loathe their leader is correct?
Well, I'm sorry, I don't think so.
I don't dislike you. I don't dislike you for despising others either. I just don't agree on how you show your disagreement.
You guys dare to do all those things to show your rebellion. But have any of you tried to actually talk through this? You said he changed, but have you really tried understanding why he changed? Wasn't he your friend?
Some times I really just don't wanna give a damn about you guys. Shit your communication. Kept repeating how important it is but who's the one not obeying that.
Let me tell you something, as long as they're a member in this society, there will be no peace because of their attitude. Their attitude that they think they're right and no one else is.
The word "brain washing" is so unfair. Aren't you brain washing people as well?
People know how to think, okay? We don't need you to tell us how to feel.
You know what I hate about societies? Politics.
2014/07/02
2014/06/18
If you aren't able to work with other people, you should reconsider when you were planning to join a club. Being in a club means everything you do, you do with a gang of people. Teamwork is the core to achieve success in a society.
I think everything that led to what happened today was because of this stupid Chinese education of ours. We are afraid to confront or point out others' errors because we're afraid to offend them, which later causes misunderstandings between the two people as the person will continue to dislike the ways of the other person. Another point, when that specific person shares his negative thoughts to friends, they too will be affected. This soon causes a group of people versus a person who still doesn't know what he or she did to deserve all the - to be harsh - hatred.
It's so hard to actually express what I'm feeling now systematically, into a complete paragraphs. Every thought is mingled together...
But the main points I want to mention is, to maintain a well-functioned society, there should be trust and respect between members. If you think you cannot accept the ways of other people, tell them, negotiate, or else the mistake will not be corrected on itself. And please, respect those who are given the responsibility to lead. Without member's respect or trust, nothing can be done, conflicts will keep popping out because you never take the initiative to settle the previous conflicts. The conflicts will continue to roll up and it shall not disappear time by time.
Please la, we are all under his wing. Pay him some respect. He might be wrong, but he doesn't know that because none of you told him so.
And you, we work under you, but it doesn't mean you don't have to listen to our opinions. Look around you, observe more. Their reactions towards you are obvious, you're just not taking them in account.
Put yourself in others shoes. It'll make things easier to look through.
I think everything that led to what happened today was because of this stupid Chinese education of ours. We are afraid to confront or point out others' errors because we're afraid to offend them, which later causes misunderstandings between the two people as the person will continue to dislike the ways of the other person. Another point, when that specific person shares his negative thoughts to friends, they too will be affected. This soon causes a group of people versus a person who still doesn't know what he or she did to deserve all the - to be harsh - hatred.
It's so hard to actually express what I'm feeling now systematically, into a complete paragraphs. Every thought is mingled together...
But the main points I want to mention is, to maintain a well-functioned society, there should be trust and respect between members. If you think you cannot accept the ways of other people, tell them, negotiate, or else the mistake will not be corrected on itself. And please, respect those who are given the responsibility to lead. Without member's respect or trust, nothing can be done, conflicts will keep popping out because you never take the initiative to settle the previous conflicts. The conflicts will continue to roll up and it shall not disappear time by time.
Please la, we are all under his wing. Pay him some respect. He might be wrong, but he doesn't know that because none of you told him so.
And you, we work under you, but it doesn't mean you don't have to listen to our opinions. Look around you, observe more. Their reactions towards you are obvious, you're just not taking them in account.
Put yourself in others shoes. It'll make things easier to look through.
2014/05/03
Okay, good news! Current post won't be negative, it'll be the direct opposite!! I'm here to release positivity, everybodehh!
Went back to where it all started - Heng Ee Choir. Had a long talk with Ms Lil Cloud. And I'm starting to wonder am I the only one who actually takes in what she says? Am I the only that understands what she's trying to say? She might be kinda harsh a lot of times, I know, cause I know what she was talking about. People make mistakes, and her biggest mistake is she thinks scolding is the only way to solve problems. Perhaps she's right, although we all - as students - think its not. But you have to understand, you guys left her no choice other than scolding. Persuading rarely works on people nowadays and you can't deny that it's a fact. If you really want her to stop the scolding and start to talk to you properly, do the same to her.
My dear juniors - who are considered as seniors in that 'society' now,
I'm not really knowing the details of what's going on within your circle, I don't know what's running in your mind when it comes to the word "HEChoir". Do you feel sick, tired, exhausted, rage, depression, lost in hope, or happy, fortunate, glad, joy, passionate? Do you still remember why you came in the first place, and didn't want to leave even when you had the chance to? You tagged along until the end, you guys are graduating this year. Do you realize how many you guys have been through? Do you remember those great memories being a part of this huge family? I understand when sometimes you felt drained, practices every day, week, lost all your holidays... But trust me, you won't wanna drift around doing things that obviously wastes your adolescency. Don't tell me you'll lock yourself in your room and study if you had holidays for that. At last, you'll go out and have fun. Screw your homework, screw your results. Think about it. After having your time so fully packed, don't you have the sense that you should probably work quick and get your studies done? Rather than you have tons of time and every day, you think you still have time to study, but the end of the day you make no progress at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's my thoughts when I was in your position. They say over thinking is bad for your mental health, but do you think much enough? Whatever you're running in your head, is it enough? Are you considering the right things?
Plus, I do not think you guys are taking up your responsibility as seniors. You're not showing the correct direction to the juniors. All you do is complain and complain and complain. You're showing how terrible you feel when you're in choir. And that makes them feel terrible too. I'm not stopping you from being tired, it happens a lot. But please remember, since your involved, why not try to make fun out of it rather than wasting your time feeling bad about it? It's the same as you say "日子不论怎样都还是要过，不如开开心心地过。" Enjoy the process and you may find something meaningful in it. Learn from everything you're experiencing now, cause it really does help when you step out of that blue-white compound.
I can't type out everything I feel cause I'm out of words, heh. But if any of you, by any chance, see this post of my tweet, you can come and find me to talk about it. There's a lot that you guys are still unable to cope properly, which is causing the society to fall. It'll break soon if you don't mend it. It's the last year for you guys, make it a good one.
Believe in yourselves, I believe you guys. 加油好吗? :)
Went back to where it all started - Heng Ee Choir. Had a long talk with Ms Lil Cloud. And I'm starting to wonder am I the only one who actually takes in what she says? Am I the only that understands what she's trying to say? She might be kinda harsh a lot of times, I know, cause I know what she was talking about. People make mistakes, and her biggest mistake is she thinks scolding is the only way to solve problems. Perhaps she's right, although we all - as students - think its not. But you have to understand, you guys left her no choice other than scolding. Persuading rarely works on people nowadays and you can't deny that it's a fact. If you really want her to stop the scolding and start to talk to you properly, do the same to her.
My dear juniors - who are considered as seniors in that 'society' now,
I'm not really knowing the details of what's going on within your circle, I don't know what's running in your mind when it comes to the word "HEChoir". Do you feel sick, tired, exhausted, rage, depression, lost in hope, or happy, fortunate, glad, joy, passionate? Do you still remember why you came in the first place, and didn't want to leave even when you had the chance to? You tagged along until the end, you guys are graduating this year. Do you realize how many you guys have been through? Do you remember those great memories being a part of this huge family? I understand when sometimes you felt drained, practices every day, week, lost all your holidays... But trust me, you won't wanna drift around doing things that obviously wastes your adolescency. Don't tell me you'll lock yourself in your room and study if you had holidays for that. At last, you'll go out and have fun. Screw your homework, screw your results. Think about it. After having your time so fully packed, don't you have the sense that you should probably work quick and get your studies done? Rather than you have tons of time and every day, you think you still have time to study, but the end of the day you make no progress at all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's my thoughts when I was in your position. They say over thinking is bad for your mental health, but do you think much enough? Whatever you're running in your head, is it enough? Are you considering the right things?
Plus, I do not think you guys are taking up your responsibility as seniors. You're not showing the correct direction to the juniors. All you do is complain and complain and complain. You're showing how terrible you feel when you're in choir. And that makes them feel terrible too. I'm not stopping you from being tired, it happens a lot. But please remember, since your involved, why not try to make fun out of it rather than wasting your time feeling bad about it? It's the same as you say "日子不论怎样都还是要过，不如开开心心地过。" Enjoy the process and you may find something meaningful in it. Learn from everything you're experiencing now, cause it really does help when you step out of that blue-white compound.
I can't type out everything I feel cause I'm out of words, heh. But if any of you, by any chance, see this post of my tweet, you can come and find me to talk about it. There's a lot that you guys are still unable to cope properly, which is causing the society to fall. It'll break soon if you don't mend it. It's the last year for you guys, make it a good one.
Believe in yourselves, I believe you guys. 加油好吗? :)
2014/03/26
2014/03/05
What's wrong with you and being alone?
I really dislike the moments when they arranged us our jobs, and you claim that you're "alone" cause none of us are in the same department as you are. Come on la, you can't cling to your "own friends" - I may say - forever. You're in a society, we're in a society. It's about meeting and working with new people. What's the point if you just stick to the old ones? I'm not saying you shouldn't, but you gotta meet new people some day. And since you're given the opportunity, why not? I don't see that you can't socialize with people, you just don't want to!
Don't say you're alone, okay. Cause every time, you're not alone, you're never alone. Don't you realize that every department you're sent into definitely has some one you're familiar with? It's either one of us or even better, our brother dragon. You always had someone there to be with you. Us? Some times, we had to go solo - I mean to work with other "new" people. I don't see a problem with that, and neither do the others had a problem, only you. Actually, deep inside, I just hope I don't have to stick to you while working. Cause you're not as passionate as I am. When I have my hands on my job, I do them, and I will do my very best. From my point of view, you like to drag works to the last minute and finish them half-heartedly. I really don't like that. But according to the law of attraction: Don't say what you don't like or what you don't want, cause that's what you'll attract to you. I totally jinx it. I'll be working in the same department with you for one of the future events. Hip hip hoorah. I'll hide all my negative feedbacks towards you like how I always do, but please do not anger me. You know what will happen between us. You seen it happen to 'other people'.
And it's rather annoying when you kept complaining about being alone when you're waiting for your parents to fetch you. I mean, do you really know what's the feeling of being alone?? You're obviously not alone cause you constantly have people to chat to you that's why you're always looking at your phone, replying messages. You have that one person who's always there for you to bug around with. You have a group of friends who chat pointlessly all day long in the group chat. Why are you even complaining?? Do you know how it feels like when you feel lonely inside and you have absolutely no one to talk to? Do you know that awkward situation on the first day of class and you have no friends to sit with? No one to talk with? No one to gossip with? You always had a friend with you. Why are you still complaining?
I guess I'm just jealous of you, only the part where you always have some one beside you, there for you when you don't have anyone to talk to. Yeah, just that.
I'm okay being alone, without you guys. Cause those moments are chances for me to meet new people, to socialize and make my own group of 'college friends'. I also love the feeling of accomplishing something on my own, without needing a friend to constantly follow me wherever I go. Independence makes me feel satisfied. Without it, you can't do anything.
You can't do anything.
I really dislike the moments when they arranged us our jobs, and you claim that you're "alone" cause none of us are in the same department as you are. Come on la, you can't cling to your "own friends" - I may say - forever. You're in a society, we're in a society. It's about meeting and working with new people. What's the point if you just stick to the old ones? I'm not saying you shouldn't, but you gotta meet new people some day. And since you're given the opportunity, why not? I don't see that you can't socialize with people, you just don't want to!
Don't say you're alone, okay. Cause every time, you're not alone, you're never alone. Don't you realize that every department you're sent into definitely has some one you're familiar with? It's either one of us or even better, our brother dragon. You always had someone there to be with you. Us? Some times, we had to go solo - I mean to work with other "new" people. I don't see a problem with that, and neither do the others had a problem, only you. Actually, deep inside, I just hope I don't have to stick to you while working. Cause you're not as passionate as I am. When I have my hands on my job, I do them, and I will do my very best. From my point of view, you like to drag works to the last minute and finish them half-heartedly. I really don't like that. But according to the law of attraction: Don't say what you don't like or what you don't want, cause that's what you'll attract to you. I totally jinx it. I'll be working in the same department with you for one of the future events. Hip hip hoorah. I'll hide all my negative feedbacks towards you like how I always do, but please do not anger me. You know what will happen between us. You seen it happen to 'other people'.
And it's rather annoying when you kept complaining about being alone when you're waiting for your parents to fetch you. I mean, do you really know what's the feeling of being alone?? You're obviously not alone cause you constantly have people to chat to you that's why you're always looking at your phone, replying messages. You have that one person who's always there for you to bug around with. You have a group of friends who chat pointlessly all day long in the group chat. Why are you even complaining?? Do you know how it feels like when you feel lonely inside and you have absolutely no one to talk to? Do you know that awkward situation on the first day of class and you have no friends to sit with? No one to talk with? No one to gossip with? You always had a friend with you. Why are you still complaining?
I guess I'm just jealous of you, only the part where you always have some one beside you, there for you when you don't have anyone to talk to. Yeah, just that.
I'm okay being alone, without you guys. Cause those moments are chances for me to meet new people, to socialize and make my own group of 'college friends'. I also love the feeling of accomplishing something on my own, without needing a friend to constantly follow me wherever I go. Independence makes me feel satisfied. Without it, you can't do anything.
You can't do anything.
2014/02/23
I just want to go back to the days when I don't have the time to like someone. I was so concentrated on just being me. Nothing to think too much of, no one that occupies my mind all day, distract me from living my life.
But I can't do that any more. Why is that? Is it because I feel envious of my friends that have someone to lean on, someone that's always willing to hear them out, someone wanting to hold their hand... I keep convincing myself that I can be fine even on my own, free to do whatever I want, no restrictions. (*Whispers* Even looking at cute guys!) Ah yes, the benefits of being single is endless. Being alone wasn't a problem. I didn't have to keep talking - I mean chatting - to people. I was fine, great actually. But what now?
"I'm not desperate."
"I'm not desperate."
"I'm not desperate."
I need someone. Not just someone. I want him. The him who gave me so much to remember, so much that I can't forget over the years. People might say we were too young to understand. (I would say so too if it wasn't me.) But it was real, the feelings were real, everything was. I could still feel the same way if I were to see him.
I'm still grudging on the promise he gave me, his 99%. Though it's kind of obvious that he's more to the 1% now. I feel pathetic. Why am I still keeping faith to the promise that's not going to be fulfilled? ...
These thoughts keeps flashing across my mind, day and night, it can't be stopped. Someone, help me...
But I can't do that any more. Why is that? Is it because I feel envious of my friends that have someone to lean on, someone that's always willing to hear them out, someone wanting to hold their hand... I keep convincing myself that I can be fine even on my own, free to do whatever I want, no restrictions. (*Whispers* Even looking at cute guys!) Ah yes, the benefits of being single is endless. Being alone wasn't a problem. I didn't have to keep talking - I mean chatting - to people. I was fine, great actually. But what now?
"I'm not desperate."
"I'm not desperate."
"I'm not desperate."
I need someone. Not just someone. I want him. The him who gave me so much to remember, so much that I can't forget over the years. People might say we were too young to understand. (I would say so too if it wasn't me.) But it was real, the feelings were real, everything was. I could still feel the same way if I were to see him.
I'm still grudging on the promise he gave me, his 99%. Though it's kind of obvious that he's more to the 1% now. I feel pathetic. Why am I still keeping faith to the promise that's not going to be fulfilled? ...
These thoughts keeps flashing across my mind, day and night, it can't be stopped. Someone, help me...
2014/01/01
It feels weird. Schools are reopening tomorrow. I haven't cut my hair, pack my bag, put out my white shoes, sleep early... I don't have to do them anymore. I graduated. And I'm only waiting for college, which I'm totally not used to think about... School reopening had always been a big part of my life since I was 3. 14 years of waking up early in the morning for school. But I can sleep as long as I want tomorrow! No more waking up at 5.45am in the morning.
Anyway, it's just.. Weird. I gotta get used to it. I'm a grown up now. Is that it? Hah. It sounds pretty unbelievable still.
Welcome to your first day of adulthood, YeeJian.
Anyway, it's just.. Weird. I gotta get used to it. I'm a grown up now. Is that it? Hah. It sounds pretty unbelievable still.
Welcome to your first day of adulthood, YeeJian.
2013/12/23
2013/12/18
I don't wanna grow up. I'm not ready to do it on my own. I'm not brave enough. I've never been confident when I'm alone. Can I not do this yet?
No.
Reality struck and it totally suck.
I can't even enjoy my holiday even after SPM cause there's so much deciding to do. I've always been indecisive. I'm afraid that once I step out and if I'm wrong, I can't go back. What will happen to me? I want to make the right choice, the choice I won't regret, the step I won't turn back on. But what is it? What's the choice?
Struggling between what I like and what I'm capable of.
I like to get my hands on stuff. That's why I had thoughts like taking event management or interior design and courses in art and design. But then... I heard what AnYong's dad said, and what my mom thinks. They think I'm too smart for courses like that. (A little narcissistic to say it myself!) I'm not disagreeing, I'm quite smart *smirks* I mean, I study in the first class and my ranking had maintained within 20 in the past 2 years in science stream. It's an accomplishment I'm proud of. Does this mean I am actually capable of taking better courses other than art and design? Though interior design is not as easy as it seems, event management... People say it's the kind of course for people who can't study, which I am not worth studying for. I'm not sure of the accuracy of this statement, but I kinda agree with it. So maybe I'm dropping out that option in my list..
So it's interior design left. But then I have my doubts about it. I totally got cut off with arts 2 years ago. And I can't tell if I have the creativity to be a designer. For years and years of Star NIE, I know that I can't think out of the box. I'm just not that kind of person.
But what to do? I seriously don't want to go back studying like a nerd anymore. I'm sick and tired of studying....
Or am I?
I'm really confused.. Someone counsel me...
No.
Reality struck and it totally suck.
I can't even enjoy my holiday even after SPM cause there's so much deciding to do. I've always been indecisive. I'm afraid that once I step out and if I'm wrong, I can't go back. What will happen to me? I want to make the right choice, the choice I won't regret, the step I won't turn back on. But what is it? What's the choice?
Struggling between what I like and what I'm capable of.
I like to get my hands on stuff. That's why I had thoughts like taking event management or interior design and courses in art and design. But then... I heard what AnYong's dad said, and what my mom thinks. They think I'm too smart for courses like that. (A little narcissistic to say it myself!) I'm not disagreeing, I'm quite smart *smirks* I mean, I study in the first class and my ranking had maintained within 20 in the past 2 years in science stream. It's an accomplishment I'm proud of. Does this mean I am actually capable of taking better courses other than art and design? Though interior design is not as easy as it seems, event management... People say it's the kind of course for people who can't study, which I am not worth studying for. I'm not sure of the accuracy of this statement, but I kinda agree with it. So maybe I'm dropping out that option in my list..
So it's interior design left. But then I have my doubts about it. I totally got cut off with arts 2 years ago. And I can't tell if I have the creativity to be a designer. For years and years of Star NIE, I know that I can't think out of the box. I'm just not that kind of person.
But what to do? I seriously don't want to go back studying like a nerd anymore. I'm sick and tired of studying....
Or am I?
I'm really confused.. Someone counsel me...
2013/12/08
Just finished watching 'Life In A Day'. It made me realize a few things.
There are new born babies everyday, whether they are healthy or not, that's another question. There are also people suffering and fear for death everyday. I feel grateful for just being able to be in my room, finish watching the movie and sit on my bed to write this blog. I'm healthy and staying happy every day. On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there who has to lie in their beds all day, praying that they could step out and breathe fresh air instead of the smell of medicine. Some people has to hang 'bags' around their waists to ensure the continuation of their lives. Some people has to be stuck on the bed with bunch of wires sticking onto their bodies...... So what if you're getting a mere fever or a tiny case of running nose? After seeing those people, I don't think those small matters really bother me any more, as long as I have the chance to recover and live my life like how I want to live it.
Though the outside world - out of my house, actually - isn't that safe anymore, think of the other children and people of other countries who have the risk of being murdered any single moment they're out there. While we could still wander around window shopping to past our hours. Who ain't afraid of death? Maybe there are a few people out there, but I surely am not one of them. I know I still have a long way to go, a lot more things I want to accomplish, dreams to achieve, and people to love. I'm still not done with my life. And I bet those people think the same way. So what we gonna do is to live life to the fullest. Don't let anything stop you from doing what you love. (But please think rationally before making any decisions, because they will change your life forever.)
Life is never fair. We can never choose our fate. All we can do is to face them with whatever we got. That's easy to say for me right now because I'm born in a safe place and I'm living a life with good conditions. I have people who love me and also people that I love. That's more than enough, aite?
I'm not good at writing essays, just trying to express how I feel.
There are new born babies everyday, whether they are healthy or not, that's another question. There are also people suffering and fear for death everyday. I feel grateful for just being able to be in my room, finish watching the movie and sit on my bed to write this blog. I'm healthy and staying happy every day. On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there who has to lie in their beds all day, praying that they could step out and breathe fresh air instead of the smell of medicine. Some people has to hang 'bags' around their waists to ensure the continuation of their lives. Some people has to be stuck on the bed with bunch of wires sticking onto their bodies...... So what if you're getting a mere fever or a tiny case of running nose? After seeing those people, I don't think those small matters really bother me any more, as long as I have the chance to recover and live my life like how I want to live it.
Though the outside world - out of my house, actually - isn't that safe anymore, think of the other children and people of other countries who have the risk of being murdered any single moment they're out there. While we could still wander around window shopping to past our hours. Who ain't afraid of death? Maybe there are a few people out there, but I surely am not one of them. I know I still have a long way to go, a lot more things I want to accomplish, dreams to achieve, and people to love. I'm still not done with my life. And I bet those people think the same way. So what we gonna do is to live life to the fullest. Don't let anything stop you from doing what you love. (But please think rationally before making any decisions, because they will change your life forever.)
Life is never fair. We can never choose our fate. All we can do is to face them with whatever we got. That's easy to say for me right now because I'm born in a safe place and I'm living a life with good conditions. I have people who love me and also people that I love. That's more than enough, aite?
I'm not good at writing essays, just trying to express how I feel.
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