你說我‘講罷了’？？？
你又知道什麼？
難道全家只有你一個可以認為錢花的多還是少嗎？
你根本都不懂。
要不是逼不得已，我也不願意花這筆錢。
你以為是我要的嗎？
你根本沒辦法體會早上睜開眼，看進鏡子裏，我的臉還是像昨日一樣，偶爾還會變的更糟。晚上睡前洗臉的時候，都希望明天一早能夠看到情況變好。可是結果還是一樣。這樣的日子一天又一天的過⋯⋯如果你是我，我看你一定崩潰了。
但是我和你不一樣，我每天還是會期待著變好的一天。
去花那筆錢也只是為了要讓它快好。
有錯嗎？
如果是你，你難道不會花嗎？
你能嗎？
哼，我保證你絕對不行。
每次說人講話沒經過腦袋。
我看你也差不多罷了。
2013/12/23
2013/12/18
I don't wanna grow up. I'm not ready to do it on my own. I'm not brave enough. I've never been confident when I'm alone. Can I not do this yet?
No.
Reality struck and it totally suck.
I can't even enjoy my holiday even after SPM cause there's so much deciding to do. I've always been indecisive. I'm afraid that once I step out and if I'm wrong, I can't go back. What will happen to me? I want to make the right choice, the choice I won't regret, the step I won't turn back on. But what is it? What's the choice?
Struggling between what I like and what I'm capable of.
I like to get my hands on stuff. That's why I had thoughts like taking event management or interior design and courses in art and design. But then... I heard what AnYong's dad said, and what my mom thinks. They think I'm too smart for courses like that. (A little narcissistic to say it myself!) I'm not disagreeing, I'm quite smart *smirks* I mean, I study in the first class and my ranking had maintained within 20 in the past 2 years in science stream. It's an accomplishment I'm proud of. Does this mean I am actually capable of taking better courses other than art and design? Though interior design is not as easy as it seems, event management... People say it's the kind of course for people who can't study, which I am not worth studying for. I'm not sure of the accuracy of this statement, but I kinda agree with it. So maybe I'm dropping out that option in my list..
So it's interior design left. But then I have my doubts about it. I totally got cut off with arts 2 years ago. And I can't tell if I have the creativity to be a designer. For years and years of Star NIE, I know that I can't think out of the box. I'm just not that kind of person.
But what to do? I seriously don't want to go back studying like a nerd anymore. I'm sick and tired of studying....
Or am I?
I'm really confused.. Someone counsel me...
No.
Reality struck and it totally suck.
I can't even enjoy my holiday even after SPM cause there's so much deciding to do. I've always been indecisive. I'm afraid that once I step out and if I'm wrong, I can't go back. What will happen to me? I want to make the right choice, the choice I won't regret, the step I won't turn back on. But what is it? What's the choice?
Struggling between what I like and what I'm capable of.
I like to get my hands on stuff. That's why I had thoughts like taking event management or interior design and courses in art and design. But then... I heard what AnYong's dad said, and what my mom thinks. They think I'm too smart for courses like that. (A little narcissistic to say it myself!) I'm not disagreeing, I'm quite smart *smirks* I mean, I study in the first class and my ranking had maintained within 20 in the past 2 years in science stream. It's an accomplishment I'm proud of. Does this mean I am actually capable of taking better courses other than art and design? Though interior design is not as easy as it seems, event management... People say it's the kind of course for people who can't study, which I am not worth studying for. I'm not sure of the accuracy of this statement, but I kinda agree with it. So maybe I'm dropping out that option in my list..
So it's interior design left. But then I have my doubts about it. I totally got cut off with arts 2 years ago. And I can't tell if I have the creativity to be a designer. For years and years of Star NIE, I know that I can't think out of the box. I'm just not that kind of person.
But what to do? I seriously don't want to go back studying like a nerd anymore. I'm sick and tired of studying....
Or am I?
I'm really confused.. Someone counsel me...
2013/12/08
Just finished watching 'Life In A Day'. It made me realize a few things.
There are new born babies everyday, whether they are healthy or not, that's another question. There are also people suffering and fear for death everyday. I feel grateful for just being able to be in my room, finish watching the movie and sit on my bed to write this blog. I'm healthy and staying happy every day. On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there who has to lie in their beds all day, praying that they could step out and breathe fresh air instead of the smell of medicine. Some people has to hang 'bags' around their waists to ensure the continuation of their lives. Some people has to be stuck on the bed with bunch of wires sticking onto their bodies...... So what if you're getting a mere fever or a tiny case of running nose? After seeing those people, I don't think those small matters really bother me any more, as long as I have the chance to recover and live my life like how I want to live it.
Though the outside world - out of my house, actually - isn't that safe anymore, think of the other children and people of other countries who have the risk of being murdered any single moment they're out there. While we could still wander around window shopping to past our hours. Who ain't afraid of death? Maybe there are a few people out there, but I surely am not one of them. I know I still have a long way to go, a lot more things I want to accomplish, dreams to achieve, and people to love. I'm still not done with my life. And I bet those people think the same way. So what we gonna do is to live life to the fullest. Don't let anything stop you from doing what you love. (But please think rationally before making any decisions, because they will change your life forever.)
Life is never fair. We can never choose our fate. All we can do is to face them with whatever we got. That's easy to say for me right now because I'm born in a safe place and I'm living a life with good conditions. I have people who love me and also people that I love. That's more than enough, aite?
I'm not good at writing essays, just trying to express how I feel.
There are new born babies everyday, whether they are healthy or not, that's another question. There are also people suffering and fear for death everyday. I feel grateful for just being able to be in my room, finish watching the movie and sit on my bed to write this blog. I'm healthy and staying happy every day. On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there who has to lie in their beds all day, praying that they could step out and breathe fresh air instead of the smell of medicine. Some people has to hang 'bags' around their waists to ensure the continuation of their lives. Some people has to be stuck on the bed with bunch of wires sticking onto their bodies...... So what if you're getting a mere fever or a tiny case of running nose? After seeing those people, I don't think those small matters really bother me any more, as long as I have the chance to recover and live my life like how I want to live it.
Though the outside world - out of my house, actually - isn't that safe anymore, think of the other children and people of other countries who have the risk of being murdered any single moment they're out there. While we could still wander around window shopping to past our hours. Who ain't afraid of death? Maybe there are a few people out there, but I surely am not one of them. I know I still have a long way to go, a lot more things I want to accomplish, dreams to achieve, and people to love. I'm still not done with my life. And I bet those people think the same way. So what we gonna do is to live life to the fullest. Don't let anything stop you from doing what you love. (But please think rationally before making any decisions, because they will change your life forever.)
Life is never fair. We can never choose our fate. All we can do is to face them with whatever we got. That's easy to say for me right now because I'm born in a safe place and I'm living a life with good conditions. I have people who love me and also people that I love. That's more than enough, aite?
I'm not good at writing essays, just trying to express how I feel.
2013/12/07
討厭一個人真的很累
把自己對別人的不喜歡別在心裡
到最後人家都不把你的討厭當一回事
那幹嘛折磨自己去討厭別人
就算他真的很在意你的不喜歡
可那又怎樣？
他還是會在你心中刻下印象
成為那少數中的「不喜歡的人」
倒不如放下所有成見，重新開始
把曾經的好壞都擱在一旁
把他當成是個陌生人
我覺得那樣更好
至少不再需要為「不喜歡的人」而不高興
雖然我說得到
但我暫時办不到
因為她造成的傷害太深、太重
她撒的謊，她的誇大言詞真是令人不爽
可是看她怎麼可憐的份上
是否該讓她趁最後這幾次好好的把它過完？
之後就從此不再有任何瓜葛？
我是否該對她仁慈？
不，我是為了我自己
幹嘛為了去討厭別人而感到不開心
超不值得
算了，便宜你了
因為我人太好 哈
把自己對別人的不喜歡別在心裡
到最後人家都不把你的討厭當一回事
那幹嘛折磨自己去討厭別人
就算他真的很在意你的不喜歡
可那又怎樣？
他還是會在你心中刻下印象
成為那少數中的「不喜歡的人」
倒不如放下所有成見，重新開始
把曾經的好壞都擱在一旁
把他當成是個陌生人
我覺得那樣更好
至少不再需要為「不喜歡的人」而不高興
雖然我說得到
但我暫時办不到
因為她造成的傷害太深、太重
她撒的謊，她的誇大言詞真是令人不爽
可是看她怎麼可憐的份上
是否該讓她趁最後這幾次好好的把它過完？
之後就從此不再有任何瓜葛？
我是否該對她仁慈？
不，我是為了我自己
幹嘛為了去討厭別人而感到不開心
超不值得
算了，便宜你了
因為我人太好 哈
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